there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
