R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
