So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
