Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize