I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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