It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
