marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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