His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
