3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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