just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
