the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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