I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
