Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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