my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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