Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
