u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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