i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
