I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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