Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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