i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
