like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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