I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My vagina just recognized that song.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
