Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
