you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize