I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize