Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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