After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
