Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
