I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
His nipple licking is glorious
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