i already hear my dad disowning me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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