I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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