Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
