So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
