My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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