On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
