Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
