I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I intend to get homeless drunk
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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