We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
