you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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