so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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