Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
