He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
