glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
