if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
