....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
