Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
