Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
