i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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