I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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