I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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