Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
