I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
