Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
