some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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