Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
