wrigley field is MILF paradise
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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