my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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