you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We smell like vodka and hangover
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
