I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
