oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
