I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
