Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize