I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize