I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
