Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize