quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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