i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We're too hungover to prance.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
