Buhtt sex?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
