apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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