There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
