Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
