All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
