you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So. Much. Porn.
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