You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
its liver damage thursday
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
